Two states of my mind: The survivor and the light watcher

As I am meditating a lot in the moment — I am taking part in a 21 day dynamic meditation challenge — I think a lot about meditation and get many insights. Right now I am realizing certain changes in my day to day awareness and there are two states of mind that fostered my interest.

Phases of Light Watching

These are moments, when I am walking through the streets and appreciate the beauty of everything. The fog in the sky, the buildings and the shimmering lights of the sun in the Berlin Spree river , the sweet and bitter taste of 60gramm cortado coffee, the softly vibrating energy in my body. Then I can let my thoughts flow and just enjoy the fleeting of everything. Especially after meditation but also during the day there is the tendency in me to go into this soft state of watching and revisiting it.

2. Phases of Nervous Thinking (The Survivor)

In this stage my mind is overwhelmed by work or anything that needs to be done for the outer world to survive. Thoughts about how to acquire new customers, manage diverse accounts, thoughts about the recent and far future, etc. There are running thoughts taking my focus checking for everything; Did I miss to answer this e-mail? Did I forget to do this bank transfer?
I realized: Most of this thoughts just come out of fear: The fear to survive, even if it’s relatively unnecessary in the modern day world. And somehow these thoughts remind of what I guess human beings needed mostly to survive in ancient times prehistoric times. And sorry I am a big fan of anthropologic epistemology (:D). In a difficult situation where people needed to survive in nature, get food and protect from wild animals these thoughts were life saving: Be alert, Be fast, Always watch, what’s going on!
Today it means: Check your accounts, Check your phone, Check what’s going on around. We live in a world where everything happens so fast. We all know. Digitization, the internet and social media accelerate our life and throw us in a huge flow of information where we have to find our way everyday. For some it’s easy for some harder but it definitely has some effect on all of us.

3. My insight: There is a choice

As soon as I realize that I am in the second stage of nervous thinking I see how fearful and uncomfortable it is. Then I remember. We can always go to state one whenever we want. We can settle into the always present womb of awareness and just watch, be aware, be grateful accept what’s there and it changes us even if it is only for a short moment of enjoyment. Then we can bring some of these qualities back to the working mind to make us more mindful and less a nervous survivor in the long run.

My tip: Just take yourself five minute. Set the timer. Close your eyes. Take some deep breaths. Watch your breath and dive into it from your nostrils to your diaphragmatic. Do this for a couple of breaths. When you get caught by some thoughts just bring your focus gently back to your breath. After the five minutes feel gratitude. Put your hands in front of your heart. Touch your heart feel your heart for a while and then come slowly back to awaken life.

You can listen to me reading the article here:

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